A message delivered.
A highly sharpened point thrust into marrow.
A reflection blindingly received.
Blistering charges searing a once-comfortable soul.

I stagger away under the weight of your words.

Emotions are swift in reply.
Anger explodes, infuriated at the offence.
Hurt and confusion leave a sense of desolation.
Fear squirms at the threat of exposure and slams long-opened doors.

Intellect awakes and examines the land mine,
turning it over and over again,
inspecting every angle, probing every surface.
Logically rationalising the situation, many plausible explanations are proposed.
Each of them save my face, protect my reputation.

But the emotions clamour for attention
and the injury throbs.

I am made nauseous by this perpetual oscillation.
Rational judgement and justification – tempestuous passions and defensive anger.
What is true?  Where can I stand?
Is there nothing of me I can trust?
I am tired of this war.
Me against the world.  And I am losing!

I turn to the ONE who is bigger than I.
I fall at the feet of the HIM who made me and knows me better than I know myself.
I have no where else to go.

I wait.

And I hear HIM say:
Trust me with your entire heart.
With your whole heart, make ME your first desire.
With everything in you, seek MY glory and MY kingdom.
Don’t trust in your intellect or resort to figuring everything out on your own,
because your judgements are swayed by your heart.
And your heart is seeking
your safety and comfort, not ME.
Give it all to ME.  All of it!
Let go.
Your fingers are clinging so tightly to this world.
But you belong to ME and MY kingdom.
I am giving you MY eyes, MY ears, MY heart.
Take them.  Accept them.
Now, with MY eyes and heart,
look back where you have been.
Hear again those words
and receive them in MY name, for MY glory.

And suddenly the swaying stops.
I am on solid ground.
The heart and mind are still and at rest.

I’ve been battling to protect my honour.
I have been focused on my heart, my hurt, my pride.
But it is all for HIM and HIS glory!

Why do I fight so hard before I come to this place?
Everything I desire in found in Him,
but still I seek it in the world.

To be made whole, I come completely broken.
To be made full, I come desperately empty.
To be made lovely, I come hideous repulsive.
To be made holy, I come obscenely foul.

I have nothing, I can bring nothing, that makes me worthy.
And I can trust in nothing of myself.

And this is grace:
that HE who is all wholeness, all fullness, all beauty, all holy —
in Christ
receives me.
even me.

Proverbs 3 : 5-6
1 Corinthians 8 : 1b – 3  
and 10 : 31

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